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The great man who paved the way for action movies and was the inventor of the one liner. He starred in such great movies as The Alamo, The War Wagon, True Grit, and many, many more.John Wayne could have worn high heels, a flowered dress, and makeup and still have been eight times the man you are.Everyone calls her "Ana," but pronounces it "Anna." Her wig has bangs. Despite the fact that they are acrimoniously separated, Christian sends Ana a bouquet on the first day of her new job as a publishing assistant. They send Ana a video message in which they ask her why she isn't there (she is working! Ana steers the boat and they both giggle a lot, despite the fact that they are on the yacht because somebody is trying to kill them. He insists that Ana accompany him to New York for a publishing conference, but Christian says, "No. Ana and Christian go to one of those skyscraper restaurants with 360-degree views of the city and drink more white wine.The card reads, "Good luck in your new job." Good luck IN your new job. Ana remarks on a nearby mansion, and Christian says that it's inhabited by an "old sea widow, who waits for her husband to return every night." Ana is like, "Did you make that up? I want to take you to New York." Ana is like, "OK." They drink white wine during this conversation. Outside of her boss, Ana has not spoken to a single person who is not related to or who hasn't fucked Christian. Christian fingers Ana in an elevator to a Van Morrison song.

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Instead, Ebonee Benson says the speaking tour is actually about restoring the formerly beloved “Cosby Show” actor’s legacy.

This movie is white as fuck and it loves itself!!!! Ana has one non-white friend, a Hispanic man who is obsessed with her. Jose hosts a photography exhibition whose centerpiece is gigantic black-and-white portraits of Ana. Christian buys all of these photos of Ana because he does not want other people to look at her. Christian, whom Ana broke up with at the end of the last film because he flogged her with a belt at her behest, stalks Ana at Jose's photography exhibition and asks her to dinner. Christian sends Ana home with a sultry gift: a new Mac Book and i Phone. Christian reveals that he has detailed files on every woman he has ever fucked. Ana's file reveals that, when she met Christian, she had 3 in her bank account, despite having a part-time job, living in a very nice apartment in Seattle, and owning a car. The singer at the ball is only permitted to sing Frank Sinatra songs. One of the items being auctioned off is a stay at Christian's palatial home in Aspen. After Christian goes down on her for about 10 seconds, they have missionary sex again. A random white guy in a mask takes a picture of a picture of Christian's family. Kim Basinger is also at the ball, because she is Christian's mom's best friend. Kim Basinger politely approaches Ana in the bathroom and tells her that Christian will never love her and that she can't save him, because he needs a "submissive in life." The two arrive home to find that somebody has thrown white paint on Ana's car (not Wanda). Ana and Christian escape to his nearby yacht for safety.

It is whiter than a glass of whole milk getting fingered to a Van Morrison song, which is what happens halfway through the film, when Dakota Johnson get fingered to a Van Morrison song. Ana says, "I didn't know you had a place in Aspen." Christian says, "I have a lot of places." Ana bids on Christian's Aspen house with the ,000 he put in her bank account. Ana notices a photo of Christian's mother underneath the UFC poster. The two have sex in the yacht shower mere hours after the paint-based threat on Ana's life. Despite having worked at the publishing house for one week, Ana is instantaneously promoted to her boss's old job after being like, "What if we publish new voices? Ana and Hannah have an awkward conversation in which Ana insists that Hannah does not have to call her "Ms.

The opening sequence is classic Spaghetti Western (even down to the font of the title credits), mixed with a James Dean-era aesthetic, with a kid in a white T-shirt, blue jeans, and a 1950s pompadour walking around on the blasted-out outskirts of town.

armed with a coffee mug full of of bad champagne and vaginas full of Ben Wa balls. Christian explains his BDSM fetish thusly: "My mom died when I was 4. Lying in bed, Ana explains that she never fucked anyone before Christian because "I read Brontë and Austen, and nobody ever measured up." Christian interrupts her to fuck her, and she says, "Stop distracting me with your kinky fuckery." I am still embarrassed to the point of squinting my eyes shut re: this line. Christian tells her, "I make ,000 every 15 minutes." A woman who looks exactly like Ana approaches her in the street with bandages on her wrists and a wild look in her eyes. Ana asks, "How do you know my bank account information? Christian invites Ana to a ball thrown by his parents at the last minute. Christian makes it up to her by hiring an Italian man to come to his home and blow-dry her hair.

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